This book does not seem natural to me at all! It depresses me to write in it. #cw150

October 11, 1862 [cont’d]

Van Dorn has been terribly repulsed at Corinth.  He telegraphed a victory after the first two days, but the enemy being reinforced, a new face & one adverse to us, was put up on everything & he compelled to retreat with great loss.  The enemy report a like loss, especially amongst their officers, but no particulars as yet.  Lee’s army is represented in fine condition & spirits, not known whether or not it is falling back or offering battle.

We had a brush at Franklin & drove back three Gunboats sent up to reconnoiter with heavy loss—from our sharp shooters on the banks.  For that God be praised!  The enemy has been heavily reinforced both at Suffolk & Newberne & all things point to an advance into N Carolina.  Grant us strength to bear what Thou sendest O Lord.

We left Raleigh about day break without breakfast & had a most fatiguing ride home, which we reached about sun set.  Ah! how I enjoyed my own tea!  How long can I drink it—how long enjoy the blessed quiet which reigns around us?  Journal!  This book does not seem natural to me at all!  It depresses me to write in it.  I think the hopes which clustered around the opening of a career so bright as that of the owner of this book & how they were clouded & the shipwreck of a life on the altar of ambition & politics & shrink more into myself & my home duties & associations than ever.  I have not enough to tell you to make me shake off the feelings which oppress me.  It is a dull gloomy afternoon.  The rain falls, drip! drip drip!  Mr E is gone to the meeting for the defence of our homes & I feel dispirited by my surrounding.  So I will stop—so tais toi & au revoir!

 

Source: Edmondston, Catherine Ann Devereux, 1823-1875, Journal of a Secesh Lady: The Diary of Catherine Ann Devereux Edmondston 1860-1866. Crabtree, Beth G and Patton, James W., (Raleigh, NC: North Carolina Division of Archives and History, 1979). http://nc-historical-publications.stores.yahoo.net/478.html

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I have been tryed and tempted, and cast down for many days, troubled about many things, no joy. #cw150

October 1st

I have been tryed and tempted, and cast down for many days, troubled about many things, no joy. This is a world of tribulation. I feel some better this evening. I believe the Lord will bless me, but I am sinful and don’t deserve it, he is able to save me out of all my troubles, for many days I have been in trouble, cast down, tempted and perplexed.

Source: Mary Jeffreys Bethell Diary, 1853-1873.  #1737-z, Southern Historical Collection, The Wilson Library, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. http://docsouth.unc.edu/imls/bethell/menu.html

 

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an amount of human suffering difficult to conceive of… a picture of War from which one turns appalled! #cw150

July 13, 1862

Sunday—Yesterday came home Patrick & to my great sorrow quite sick.  He gives a most moving account of the suffering in Richmond.  He says it is fearful—the hot weather, the crowded Hospitals, the stench, the want of attendance, the filthy muddy James River water, tepid at that, the actual want of proper food—altogether make an amount of human suffering difficult to conceive of  & then add to that the desolation of heart, the anguish endured by those who have lost friends, or have them suffering unable to alleviate their pain, and it makes a picture of War from which one turns appalled!  Twice since he has been gone did he see ladies going on to nurse their husbands, one of whom heard of the death of hers in the Cars & the other saw a Coffin marked with the name of hers carried past her as she sat by the window!  My God!  I thank Thee that thou has saved me this suffering, this anguish!

The Secretary directed him to reduce his Business to writing & lay it before him, saying he could not remember all the cases brought before him & must have time to consider and recollect.  So the matter is no nearer settled now than it was when he went & he has had his journey & consequent sickness for nothing.  All night & today he has a scorching fever and I feel uneasy about him.

About eleven came Jacob Higgs bringing news that there is a Regt of Yankees at Plymouth and ten Gunboats.  He is in a terrible “swivet” (mem look out that word & see whether it be slang or not) for fear that his Cotton will be burned.  I do not believe the news, & am thus saved much distress & anxiety.

Brother came to dinner, if possible more despondant than ever.  I would not have such a disposition to look on the dark side for millions, for I never could enjoy them & therefore would be better off without them.  Mary & her children left us today.  She takes the boys to school & goes herself to spend the summer in Clarksville near them.  Children are blessings I suppose.  I know that they are sore trials and a great trouble & anxiety.  “Sour grapes” perhaps, Mrs E, but who want grapes at all?

Mr E brought us a map picked up on the battlefield.  I wish it could tell its tale!  It is on an Extra Herald & is a map of the South Western States & of the seat of the War about Corinth.  True it might say with the “Knife Grinder”

“Story!?  God bless you!

I’ve none to tell.”

but I would like to hear even that.

Jackson’s Division have marched North, it is supposed to invade Maryland.  Vicksburg holds out nobly, but the enemy have seized 250 negroes & put them to work digging a canal which they intend to make so large that they can pass their ships through it & thus avoid Vicksburg altogether, make an island of it as it were.  Matters look well for us in Arkansas, & Missouri is preparing to rise.

 

Source: Edmondston, Catherine Ann Devereux, 1823-1875, Journal of a Secesh Lady: The Diary of Catherine Ann Devereux Edmondston 1860-1866. Crabtree, Beth G and Patton, James W., (Raleigh, NC: North Carolina Division of Archives and History, 1979). http://nc-historical-publications.stores.yahoo.net/478.html

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Young men the noblest of the land…brought home dead – a mangled & disfigured corpse #cw150

June 28^th [1862]

O terrible war! The great battle has at last commenced, as yet we have had signal victories – but at what a cost.. how many brave, noble spirits have passed into Eternity  How many hearts have been made desolate forever. A part of this very life has gone. All hopes have been crushed in one instant & now what is life. What have they to live for.

Young men the noblest of the land. The pride of their fathers – their mothers joy. The passionate dreams  of a young girls’ life – have been brought home dead – a mangled & disfigured corpse. The noble – the magnificent forehead wherein mighty genius sat enthroned is cleft asunder & that is by a Yankee bullet – Great God give us strength to bear it – Let us lean upon Thy all powerful arm. This is our day of trial. O Woman! What hast she not borne. What has thou not yet to bear? Bleeding heart,  theres rest for thee in Heaven. But for this thought I would fain lay down & die – Hearts may brake, may bleed for years, yet they never die – would that they could –

Women go mourning & wailing all the day long – some sit with folded hands calmly waiting to hear their doom

Source: Elizabeth Collier Diary, Southern Historical Collection, UNC-Chapel Hill.

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Journals are not correct exponents of peoples thoughts, wishes or feelings #civilwar150

June 26, 1862

Journals are not correct exponents of peoples thoughts, wishes or feelings.  Why it is I cannot say, but it is certainly the fact.  I have no fear of any one ever reading this, so that cannot be the reason; but I think it is partly the habit of reticence which from long use I have acquired & partly mortification at the exceeding pettiness of some of the causes of annoyance which however small as they are do not the less make up my happiness or unhappiness.

For instance this week I have been on tenter hooks respecting the future disposition of our property & prospects which were all unsettled by the renunciation of the deed for Looking Glass last fall.  Am to have a conversation with father & I turn & revolve what I am to say, ceaselessly in my mind, to no purpose as yet, so tho’ I say nothing of it yet it does not the less affect me.  Then Mary’s eldest children are sick, the cause being variously stated according to the different bias of the various members of the family as “Green Apples,” “miasma in this Low Country,” “going fishing in the sun,” –or “sleeping with the window on their bed raised one damp night”–& tho these points are matters of grave discussion, yet no word of them have I recorded.  Then the state of anxiety in which we are as regards our army before Richmond, the feverish restless desire for news, the looking for the Mail, the disappointment when “no news” is uttered by the first opener of the newspaper, the sorrow when it is discouraging, the eager delight that shines in every face when it is the reverse—are matters of such daily occurrence now that a recital of them here would be tiresome & yet they are neither tiresome in their repetition nor does their effect diminish in the slightest.  It makes up the sum, the whole of our existence.  Just now it is most keen, most intense.

Mr Hill came over this morning and told us that his son is just from Richmond, that the battle must take place this week, that Jackson is there ready to fall upon the enemy at Hanover Court house whilst we make an attack in front, that our generals have made all their dispositions, & that our long suspense must consequently soon be terminated.  God grant that it may be splendid and decisive victory!  Evans Spruill, poor fellow, is he tells us very ill at a Hospital in Richmond, his life despaired of.  His poor Mother, God be with her!

Source: Edmondston, Catherine Ann Devereux, 1823-1875, Journal of a Secesh Lady: The Diary of Catherine Ann Devereux Edmondston 1860-1866. Crabtree, Beth G and Patton, James W., (Raleigh, NC: North Carolina Division of Archives and History, 1979). http://nc-historical-publications.stores.yahoo.net/478.html

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June 21, 1862: “my dear Patrick’s birthday” #civilwar150

June 21, 1862

My dear Patrick’s birthday “God bless” and keep him, and may we spend many more together as happily as we have spent the last few.  He has been much depressed latterly, thinking of his father, & tho he bears it well & manfully, this disappointment about his Battalion weighs upon him and his health is far from good.  Would that he were well once more!

Source: Edmondston, Catherine Ann Devereux, 1823-1875, Journal of a Secesh Lady: The Diary of Catherine Ann Devereux Edmondston 1860-1866. Crabtree, Beth G and Patton, James W., (Raleigh, NC: North Carolina Division of Archives and History, 1979). http://nc-historical-publications.stores.yahoo.net/478.html

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